LETTER TO A POST-ABORTIVE WOMAN
The Original E-mail from the Post-Abortive Woman

In January 2007, the following e-mail was sent to CCBR’s executive director, Stephanie Gray, and was CC-ed to several pro-life and religious leaders. The writer, a post-abortive woman, was expressing her disagreement with CCBR’s use of abortion imagery.

This e-mail is being published in order to provide the necessary context for Stephanie’s response. The message, therefore, is presented entirely in its original form, with the exception of names of individuals and groups being removed for confidentiality.

After reading the e-mail below, readers are invited to read a commentary from another post-abortive woman.

Dear Stephanie,

The images that are displayed on the CCBR website and which are used as a vehicle to “unmasking the choice” are greatly disturbing to me as an post-abortive woman and bring me great distress and grief. These images are my CHILDREN; they are not some once removed objects that have no face or no name. My children’s names are [name] and [name] and are held within my heart and soul each and every day of my life. It is with great sadness and with great objection that images such as these are used as tools of shock value in the name of education. My children are not objects and their death is not something to be displayed. Stephanie do you have children? Would you want your children who were in a car accident and dismembered to be displayed on a billboard so that you could shock drivers to slow down? I sincerely doubt that. Most if not all individuals who would view these images whether they be of accident victims or aborted children which have dismembered bodies would agree that the circumstances of their death and the dismembering of their bodies is of such visual indignity that it is emotionally and psychologically repulsive. I do not disagree with you that my children died under horrific circumstances, but do you not think that I am not also impacted in knowing the truth of how my children died. Do you believe that those that have abortions are not impacted by the choice they have made and have taken responsibility for and that choice must be faced and addressed on a daily basis? Do you know anyone that has lost a child, Stephanie by other circumstances than abortion? These individuals are in a sea of grief that lasts for years, do you think that they do not grieve their children daily and are subject to traumatic physiological stress when they hear of other situations in which children have died. Can you find it in your heart to realize that this is the same situation for post abortive woman? I am one of the lucky one’s Stephanie; I have come to terms with my children deaths through the grace of Jesus Christ.

I was seventeen when I had my first abortion and was not given a choice by my parents or his, I was going to have an abortion whether I wanted it or not. I cried for two weeks prior to my abortion and prayed that my child would be delivered into Gods hands. At that time I delivered my soul to hell for it was a small price to pay for the freedom of my child to enter heaven. My life was impacted by unresolved grief until I became a Catholic at the age of 43 and the most graced filled goodness was that it was my daughter that led me to the Catholic Church and to the freedom of reconciliation between my children, God and myself. The choice of an abortion is not black and white Stephanie and it is often made within “crisis” and with the lack of support by members of your own family and the people you believed loved you the most.

Because my children were dismembered by abortion does this entitle them to be treated with any less respect than others who have died in tragic and unconventional circumstances? It is particularity disturbing to me that for someone that obviously is concerned with the rights of the unborn would subject these innocent children whom have souls in heaven to display their death in such graphic detail. Is their right to privacy and dignity in death less than others that have died in tragic situations? I believe not.

When I look at the images of dismembered aborted children I am aware that these are my children, but Stephanie these are not the faces of my Children. Like me they have been transformed by the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. My children have transcended these images and live in heaven and are now reflected within the face of Jesus Christ and the knowledge that they are eternally with Him. My children are also free but not disassociated with the tragedy of their death. Neither my children or myself can change what I have been done, but what God’s grace has done has allowed me to see the world through the eyes of my aborted children.

We are both defenders of life, Stephanie, but I do not believe that the display of aborted dismembered fetuses addressed the complexity of abortion and the circumstances of a society that does not provide an adequate social framework for the imperfections of humanity and our human souls. Is this not the real issue? What kind of society do we uphold when we kill our own children because we can’t or won’t institute the social framework to support pregnant women whom have an unplanned pregnancy. That abortion becomes an answer to expedite discomfort of embarrassment and inconvenience. The saddest component of this situation is that loss of any child whether through abortion, disease or accident, that unique individual cannot and can never be replicated or replaced. The use of these children and their state of death dishonour their dignity as human persons and does not recognize the fragile and wounded situations of women and man that have aborted their child.

Would you want to be remembered as a dismembered aborted fetus? My children also do not want to be remembered this way. My aborted children have taught me “life is a gift to be celebrated.” I provide this suggestion as inspiration from my children whom do not deny the circumstances of their horrific death. Instead of displaying pictures of dismembered aborted fetuses’, display the laughter and smile of all children. In speaking with the father of my first child and his discussion with his parents, he told me the most revealing statement of the loss of a child through abortion. He said, “My parents and I feel that someone is missing in our family and the person is our child.”

My belief validated by my own personal experience is that the loss of an aborted child need not be reinforced by the display of dismembered and aborted fetuses’. I only need to look into my own daughter’s eyes to know day by day what has been lost. I would advocate that to picture a family with the loss of a child as a shaded child in the background with the words, “What is missing” would be as effective in delivery of the message of the impacts of abortion on individuals, families, our community and our society. Taking a playground full of children and then removing those that have been aborted also brings a strong message of what is truly lost. A picture of a playground with no children would also speak volumes of what the loss is. Combine this with the cries of a newborn child, the joy of watching a child take it’s first steps, a line of little people holding onto their partner and a rope as they journey to an excursion from their daycare, the delight of graduation of kindergarten, junior high, high school and university; the joy of fighting with siblings, family dinners, family gatherings, birthday celebrations, Christmas day and the opening of gifts. The celebration of the images of life and living are all that is needed to render images of loss. To realize that my aborted children will not be married and given in marriage by their Father, that they will not know the joy of childbirth and the miracle of life in their hands and the physical embrace of a loved one. These are the images that can never be, Stephanie. A life is not shown in the image of death, life is lived in the images of living…day by day.

My children do not want to be images of death, my children what to be images of life. (please see the attachment).

I cannot stop you from displaying these images of “our children”, the children of post-abortive woman. I cannot stop you from presenting these images to members of my faith community at [name of writer's church]. What I can do is express my feelings and opinion and that as a post-abortive woman that I do not accept this lack of respect for human life in images of dismembered aborted fetuses.

As a post-abortive woman that walks within the light of Christ and in the tradition of the Catholic faith I also realize that as we have sung in our Parish recently, “All are welcomed here” and that includes you.

I challenge you to attend a [name of post-abortion ministry] Retreat here in Calgary with me and we can both journey with those who want reconciliation with their aborted children. If you are interested I could also meet you and tell you of my own miraculous journey of reconciliation and the work that I have done in conjunction with [names of three pro-life ministries]. Blessings.

Meet You at the Throne,

[Writer's name]

[Writer's church]

The writer attached the following image to her e-mail:

Return to CCBR’s response to this e-mail. Or, read a counterpoint to this e-mail written by another post-abortive woman.